Thoughts on Changes
Just Thinking

Stopping By

It has been over a year since I last stopped by and wrote anything. It has been a frustrating year and blogging would have probably helped but in my infinite wisdom I hid away. I was embarrassed that my weight loss had come to a staggering halt and after I reached 73 lbs lost I gained back 16 of them and I was embarrassed. I've managed to lose a few of them but I have a very long way to go just to get back to the 73 lb loss. I wonder why and although I keep finding reasons they are so lame I can't even speak them out loud.

So here I am wondering who will read this. I still miss my cheering section from Catalis. Losing that daily encouragement has been phenomenally difficult. I miss my friends also. Seems that as most of us left Catalis, our lives spread far and wide and getting together for even a drink is complicated. Beth and I finally managed to connect last Friday and it was wonderful.

I have been doing the Facebook thing. Facebook is still a mystery to me. It was quite a while before I started using it because I did not want to put much in it if it was going to die off. I heard that as fast as the Boomers came to Facebook, they left just as fast and that it is a 20 something gig. I don't remember who the expert was but he wasn't much of an expert. You really do not have to put much effort into Facebook. It is just a gathering place. Somewhere to see what is happening in the lives of people you know and care about. If you are interested, look me up. http://www.facebook.com/valerie0826

Posted by Valerie at 6/14/2009 5:35 PM | Add Comment

A Different Kind of Weight

Life is work. This is not a new feeling for me but lately it feels like I'm in overtime. Today we are employed, healthy, happy, and just a bit overwhelmed with disorgainzation. Hence one of the greatest frustrations of my life as well as one of the things that weighs me down.

Several years ago I discovered decorating shows on TV. I had breast cancer in late 2005 and treatment continued through to April 2006. During the time I was getting chemo the only thing I could do for about one week of three was sit in my chair and watch TV. It ws during that time that I watched almost every orgainzation show there was. I was inspired and when I got to the point I could do stuff again I started whittling away at what I thought was my already whittled away pile of stuff.

I have not completed the whittling so there is still some stuff I need to get out of the apartment including two big boxes of clothes that do not fit. The goal for the rest of May is to get everything out of the apartment that I know I do not want and recover that space. I'm pretty good at getting the pile created then having to look at it for weeks if not months before I actually get it out of the house.

I'm going to try a list. I'm not going to schedule it because that always defeats me when something gets in the way of the to do list.

I have to following rooms and/or spaces that need a going through. I would not mind if you the reader ask me how I am doing a kind of accountability thing. If I know someone may ask me if I managed to get to the master closet yet, I will be more inclinded to go in there and scruntinze my shoes.

The list:
master bathroom 
master closet 
master bedroom
dining room
living room
kitchen
pantry
entry way closet
spare bathroom
den
den closet
porch
garage

You can see that the list isn't huge and we live in a 1000 sq ft apartment with a detatched one car garage so it should not take long. The reason the garage is last is that is where all the unwanted stuff will end up until my husband can load up the truck and haul it away. Or if we can coordinate, freecycle some of it. I'm not going to start on freecycling here but suffice it to say, freecycing to get rid of stuff is often more work than it is worth.

Wish me luck and watch for more posts on my progress.

Posted by Valerie at 5/21/2008 10:29 AM | Add Comment

The Silence is Deafening

Those who know me know that it is not good when I am silent. I know that as well and I have actually visited the blog with the intention of posting but could not write a word. At this juncture I am concerned that my lack of progress may discourage others who are also on a weight loss journey. Then I realized that not posting can be just as bad as posting a lack of progress. So here I am.

I am one week shy of one year at Weight Watchers. I have lost 70 lbs and I should be happy but I am not. I am frustrated. Today is Weight Watcher day and my weigh in was just as bland as the last eight have been. I feel completely stuck at 70 lbs and for a while was concerned that this was it for me. Weight Watchers Flex plan allows for a certain number of points each day and another 35 per week for extravagances. I have used all of my points each day and the weekly 35 and am not making progress. So I have come to a huge conclusion, I must lower the number of points I eat for the next few weeks and not use the extra 35. That is how it was in the beginning and I was successful, then the holidays and everything fell apart. 

The catch here is that I must keep track of what I am eating so I do not go over the points per day and I must find a way to get at least three activity points per day which translates into about 45 minutes of activity per day.

I am out of time for posting so I will end here and get back here again this week to let you all know about my job and all the other interesting things going on in my life.

Posted by Valerie at 5/19/2008 11:37 AM | Add Comment

I Lost!

Congratulations to me! I managed to lose another 1.1 lbs. I'm am up to 66.6 lbs now. Let's see if I can manage this two weeks in a row.

I had an interview last week for a training specialist position at CoreMetrics. Sadly, they hired from within. Somehow I am very alright with it though. I really can't say I'm very upset about not getting this job. Weird as it sounds, I am looking forward to the Time Warner job. Maybe I just need a break and even though I haven't done much while I've been unemployed, I've been a bit stressed about finances to enjoy it.

So here is to a good week.

Posted by Valerie at 3/24/2008 8:27 PM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

Chocolate Ice Cream

This has been one of those weeks. I got a craving for ice cream and I tried to ignore it. Unfortunately while ignoring the craving that was screaming at me I managed to eat about 10 of those Nabisco 100 calorie cookie packs over the last five days. After eating three of them this evening I finally gave in and walked across the street to Cold Stone Creamery and got a Ghiradeli Chocolate Caramel Dream. I could have saved myself a lot of stress if I had done that on Wednesday. I would have more of those 100 calorie packs left for treats. I've learned, never ignore a craving. It really does cost too much in the way of calories.

I feel less physically tense since I had the ice cream earlier. This is just way too weird. I wonder if this is how drug addicts feel. Does it ever go away or am I just plagued to have cravings that drive me nuts?

Now that I can actually focus I will get some more crochet done. I started out pretty good right after I got laid off then I got depressed. I was up and down more down than up and now I'm behind on what I wanted to get accomplished. I felt guilty just sitting here crocheting. I didn't really do much else. In fact, I even let the guilt of not having to go to work keep me from exercising. I hate being depressed and I hope I am done with it for a while.

So on my crochet list is a ripple baby afghan in white, soft green, and pink. Once that one is done I'll start another one in primary colors. I'm not sure what pattern I will use. I also have a purse and a pillow to make for an exchange. I'm probably going to do an original for the pillow using some novelty yarns. I will probably knit the purse. I don't knit much and it is a good change for my hands. I've been working on a crochet jewelry design I call Petals on a Pad.

So now that I've had my ice cream I think I will get back to the work of life.

Posted by Valerie at 3/22/2008 10:19 PM | Add Comment

It Was Not My Wagon

I had to pass up that wagon. It was not mine. I still do not know where my wagon is. I parked it somewhere and just do not remember. My weigh in was not good and I am mad at myself. So in honor of a weight gain yet again, I ate too much. That is going to really help I know.

It all started with eating lunch out on Friday. I had a simple Chinese lunch including an egg roll and after that it was all over. No tracking equals no weight loss. I am going to go to Weight Watchers online and write down everything I ate today, however awful it looks.

Next part of the plan is to write out some menus. I find that I am somewhat bored with breakfast. I end up eating the same thing all week and it is usually not hearty enough breakfast and I am hungry all day. I usually eat leftovers for lunch so that is not a problem.

We have discussed the program at the last few meetings and one comment that came up is that you can be within your points but not be on program. The Flex program is not a difficult one. The Flex plan program includes the following Weight Watchers Good Health Guidelines:

  1. at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables
  2. whole grain foods whenever possible
  3. 2 servings of dairy products
  4. at least 6 glasses of water
  5. small amount of healthy oil (canola, olive, safflower, sunflower, or flaxseed)
  6. get enough protein which for me is about 45g per day
  7. limit sugar and alcohol
  8. take a multivitamin-mineral supplement

These are not difficult to follow if you plan. So I will plan.

I also made a commitment to exercise three times this week. What was I thinking? But one of the members at the meeting I go to asked me to hold her accountable and I did the same. I will exercise just so I will not be embarrassed on Monday.

I did not exercise today but please feel free to ask me if I exercised on other days this week.

Also, if you do make a comment on my blog, please share your website or blog with me. I would love to have a look.  

Posted by Valerie at 3/17/2008 6:30 PM | Add Comment

Physical Changes

The Biggest Loser Couples show brought back all of the contestants that had been voted off. The purpose was to weigh them all again and then the two with the highest percentage of weight loss would return to the competition. My husband and I like the weigh ins. It is very cool to see the before and after to see how much each individual has changed physically. My husband exclaims for each one as they are weighed in. We are both amazed at the physical transformation. Although my weight loss has taken longer than theirs, I have lost more weight than a few of them. I finally asked him if my body has changed that significantly. He exclaimed. The problem is that I do not have one of those before pictures to compare to and the picture in my head does not seem to be changing.

My body is smaller. I do not have a stitch of clothing that fits me. Everything I have just hangs on me so I know that I really have lost weight and the scale isn't just playing a horrid joke on me. So I finally stood naked in front of the mirror and stared trying to change that picture in my head. My face is thinner but why haven't I been able to see that? What happened to that chin?  Moving south a bit I reach my problem spot, my belly. Yes, my belly is smaller. My pants will testify to that. I wore a pair of jeans today that I bought in October and at one point I sucked in my stomach and down they slid from my waist to my belly button. Well that would have been embarrassing. 

Body image is a plague for women in this country. It is actually very sad. To hear women who are at a healthy weight beating themselves up because some part of their body is not perfect. Worse yet are those who are slighlty overweight who just hide from the world. Their life revolves around their dissatisfaction with their physical appearance. These women are not able to find joy because it is hiding behind that veil of perfection.

Even though I have been very large all of my adult life, I really have not disparaged my body. It was what it was and it was going to stay that way until I did something about it so I just accepted it and moved on. I must admit that while I was alright with my body, my fashion sense leaves much room for improvement. I tried to decorate it so that it would look decent and give people walking past me a pleasurable experience.

It is odd but I think I was able to accept my body easier before I started losing weight than I am now. I am almost at the halfway point and maybe I am just getting anxious. I know that when this is all said and done and I have waited however long the insurance company says, I will have to have some plastic surgery to remove excess skin. I think that now that I actually believe it is going to happen I am getting impatient.

Patience is a virtue and I am a virtuous woman so I guess I will just practice a little patience and enjoy the rest of the journey.

Posted by Valerie at 3/15/2008 10:41 PM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

65 lbs

I was so relived at weigh in this week you just do not know. I almost cried when I saw the number. My next big goal is actually 75 lbs but 65 lbs became so elusive that it was all I wanted for over a month. I hit 64.2 lbs on Feb 11 and then nothing but up and down for three more weeks. So now that I have managed to get over this hump I need to keep it up. I am going to have to get on the exercise train. I will let you know how that goes. I need to make a plan and stick to it. I will keep you posted.

Posted by Valerie at 3/13/2008 10:05 PM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

Where Did That Wagon Go?

If you check out my blog often you have probably figured out that I don't write when things aren't going well with my weight loss. Seems I fell off the wagon and now I can't even find it. I don't want this weight loss to stop, I'm not done. I still have a lot left to lose.

I'm not sure what happened. I was doing incredible. I lost weight every week for the first 28 weeks and then I've struggled to lose and keep of 10 lbs for the last 10 weeks. Of course, I'm not tracking and I'm eating things that are just useless as far as nutrition goes. If I keep this up, I'm going to start feeling sluggish and other things I don't want to feel.

So what is a girl to do? I have not quit going to meetings but the meeting seems to only last about three days before I'm back eating the "bad stuff". Even though Weight Watchers Flex Plan allows you to eat pretty much anything you want, you still get only so many points per day and per week. Once you use up the points you are supposed to stop eating. So if I eat 2 or 3 servings of potato chips I use up about 15 points. If I do that every day and I try to stay in my points, I don't eat much of anything else. That means not enough protien or whole grains.

So here I am trying to find my wagon so I can get back on. Does anyone see a wagon out there?

Posted by Valerie at 3/8/2008 5:36 PM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

Plugging Along

People keep telling me everything will work out. I have to believe that because if I don't the alternative is well it is ugly.

My weigh in was pretty good. I managed to get rid of what I gained last week so I'm back at 64.2 lbs. I am getting pretty close to the target date and it is starting to make me crazy. I usually don't set dates because I'm afraid that if I miss it I will just give up. I think when Feb 14th came and went I might have done that.

This job thing is really making me crazy. I have been contacted for a clerical job with a state agency. EGAD am I desperate? I think so. I am tired of credit debt and decided that pretty much anything would pay better than unemployment.

Posted by Valerie at 2/27/2008 7:57 AM | Add Comment
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